Last night I dreamt about six different ways that that goodbye could have gone.

It's so weird when you dream about people, because in reality they havn't actually done what you dream they did.

---Why does my timing suck so bad?---

 

Yesterday was an emotional rollercoster. I don't like saying goodbyes. But I don't like not saying goodbyes more.

 You can't always get what you want.

 

Good news: I got a 300 out of 300 on my structure and annalysis of plays final. This is how is went:

I was half way through the test and starting to sweat under the pressure when Hyrum says,

"Soren, Turn to the front page of your test."

ok...

"Is your name spelled correctly at the top?"

Uh.... yeah.

"Put a three hundred by your name, curcle it. Your done with the test."

REALLY?

"Yes. You are done."

(sob*) Wow... ok.

Then of course he said anyones else who wanted to follow my example could do so and we were all done with the test. But It was cool that it was directed to me.

 

Damn, this is hard.

It's funny. I tried to find some pictures of you to post with this. But out of all the pictures I have in my iPhoto I don't have a single one of you. No wait scratch that. There is one that has your elbow in it.
See? You're right there.

But That's the only one!

Maybe it just illustrates how you are the guy sitting in the wings who does So much but doesn't want the recognition. Maybe it has something to do with how you are the one behind the camera taking the picture and serving that way. Or maybe it's just because I don't have any pictures of you in my iPhoto. I like to think the former rather than the latter.

But moving on.

Dear Dad,
I don't think you know how much you letters help me. Ok maybe you know, but I mean it. Knowing that I'm going to get an update from you at the end of the week makes my week so much better. Even when they are just short notes. I remember when on Sunday around the counter you would have cards and note papers and pen and be writing to all the people that you do, and I would think oh that's nice. But now I see what you are doing. Now I get it.

You are the greatest Dad ever. All I can ever rember you saying are encouragements and assperations. But not assperations for yourself. They've always been, "Hey dude-man! You know the sky is the limit. You can do anything. Even if you think you can't or if you think, 'why would anybody think that I could do that?' Sombody has got to, why shouldn't it be you?"

I love that you recognize the Lord's hand in your life. You have been and still are such a great example in my life.

When you ask me, "Is there anything that I can do to be a better Dad to you?" I offten respond, "I dunno.. Nah. You're fine."

But I don't think you know how truthful I am when I say that. It may come out a bit teenagery and maybe I'm not usually eliquent enough, but I can't think of any way that you could be better.

"First things first"
I know I always roll my eyes everytime you say it. And it usually is followed by a, "Yes yes I know I know." But now I can see how wise you were in stressing that.

You are so patient and amazing. I love you so much. I don't think you know how much. Maybe you'll know someday.

Well that's all I got for now.
I love you and miss you.
You are ever presesnt in my thoughts.

Your affectionate son,
Screwtape.

ha ha jk

I love you!

Sincerly yours,
-Sorby-gorby-gorbachev.

Sometimes when you are living in the college dorms there is a need for solitude. After being surrounded by people day after day you start to lose yourself in the flood of humanity in the hallways and you just have to get away.

Today was one of those days. I packed up my laptop, a sandwich, and a flask of water and just started walking. I needed to clear my head and get in touch with myself again. I needed some time by myself where I could write and not have to worry about my roommate coming in and disturbing the moment’s sacred stillness with that constant dictation under his breath that he does. So I just started walking. And now here I am. Sitting on these bleaches in the middle of nowhere, looking out to nothing.

There they are. The four sets of old wooden bleachers that someone sometime dragged out there, in hopes that they would take care of themselves. And they have done a pretty good job. Nature helped too. The weeds peek though the wooden slats and the sun has seared the benches.

What have these bleachers seen? What spectacular kick, jump, or tackle? Years ago someone somewhere probably sat there and shouted, “Did you see that?” The crowd probably all stood up and gasped as the game was coming to a close, and the wood sagged and groaned under the collective weight as they all leaped up and cheered. But now they look not over a playing field, but a field speckled with dandelions and dry grass.

Nobody looking at nothing. That’s what they are now.

When I walked by they seemed to call out to me and say, “please. No one has sat on us in such a long time. Please. Please join us and watch the spectacular scene before us.”

And it is spectacular.
 
The birds singing and the bugs investigating the new comer. The dandelion seeds soaring though the air. The grass rising up to be caressed by the breeze.

It is spectacular.